But even as he spoke, a bright cloud overshadowed them, and a voice from the cloud said, “This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy. Listen to him." - Matthew 17:5
I do not as many fears today as I used to have. At least I don’t think I do. When I was a kid I used to watch PBS specials on how nuclear war could destroy the world. I was paralyzed with fear for years about the possibility of that happening. When my father died I feared that I too would die soon. I was only 8. I used to be afraid of bullies. I used to hate going shopping and having to deal with people. My introversion caused me to be be intimidated by crowds and of being noticed. All of these anxieties are mostly gone. I still have concerns about sharks, angry dogs, and how the future will play out. But maybe even these dreaded realities will cease to distress me eventually.
There is one fear though that I have been grappling with for the last 10 years and I think I finally have a handle on this one too. It is the fear of losing a child. I can’t say it is irrational, because unfortunately some parent loses a son or a daughter every single day. It is a terrible fact of life. I am sad for anyone who has had to face this tragic actuality. For me, having never had to endure such a trauma, I am learning to surrender my feelings and fears to God. I trust that He is in control. And that every loss in this life, for the Christian, will be gain in the life to come. But I wonder if this fading unease will ever really subside. It governs a lot of what I do as a parent.
This past week my daughters spent four days with Maya’s mother in Bakersfield. I knew they would have a great time. But it was so hard for me to let go. I had to convince myself that they would be ok and that I’d see them again. When we picked them up they ran out of the house and hugged us. Only then could I rest easy. Just this morning I almost stepped on a rattlesnake..barefoot. After ending its life, I ordered every kid in the house to line up their closed toed shoes and boots by the door and to not venture out of the house to play while barefoot or in sandals until after snake season ends in October. I decided I also needed to lead by example. I could not bear to have a child bitten and their life threatened because of some foolish parental oversight. My children bring me joy, they are my dearly beloved. And my protective efforts help them to see that…I hope.
Lately, my son has been the second one up in the morning. I’m always up first, then some kid, followed by Maya, and then the other kids. It’s a parade. Today he came and found me in the garage. I was still kneeling in prayer. He walked over and placed his four year old arm around my neck and sat on my leg. I relished in the moment. My dearly loved son, who brings me joy…and laughter, and frustration (like when he broke the glass door to the oven last week). I can imagine God the Father taking much delight in His only Son. And the Son taking much delight in His great Father. And in the beauty of such love, all fears are gone.
We’ll pick on our recent preaching series where we left off in early July. This Sabbath I will lean into Matthew chapter 17 and address the subject of The Life and Teachings of Jesus: Foreshadows. What we will see in the text is that Jesus is totally convinced that He is going to the cross very soon. And while He is desperately trying to prepare His followers for what has been predicted to come, He Himself receives some prayerful encouragement to continue fearlessly into the direction of a storm. If Jesus needed that kind of mental preparation, how much more do we? Eager to worship with you this Sabbath, see you then.
Pastor Dean